Episode 28 · 47 min · Sep 8, 2026
Security Walked Him Out With a Box. He Says It Was the Best Day | Luis Cornejo, LMFT & CST
with Luis Cornejo, LMFT, CST
Luis Cornejo remembers the walk better than almost anything else about his hospital job. After resigning over the phone, he returned to collect his things and found security waiting to escort him through the building with fifteen minutes on the clock. Nurses and doctors he had befriended stopped him in the hallway to hug him, then stared at the guard at his side. He carried out a small box of plants, decorations, and a tin of handwritten quotes, feeling ashamed. By the time he reached the door, the shame had turned into something else: certainty that he had made the right choice.
Luis is a licensed marriage and family therapist and an AASECT certified sex therapist who owns PsychoSocial Therapy, a virtual private practice for queer and BIPOC individuals and couples. He is licensed in California and Florida, lives in Mexico City, and works in fashion and content creation alongside his clinical work. His road to the field was anything but direct. The son of immigrant parents who told him he could be a doctor or a lawyer, he asked for a medical encyclopedia on his eighth birthday instead of a toy. He became the first person in his extended family to attend college and spent three committed years in a biology program before admitting it left him cold. A friend dragged him to an open house on child and adolescent development, and he changed his major that same afternoon. His grades climbed, he found he loved writing, and he went on to spend nearly five years at a child development center supporting anxious parents.
It was his best friend, then a social work student, who first told him he would make a good therapist. Therapy was taboo in his community, and he had never been. He applied to one graduate program, Cal State Long Beach, and sat in the interview waiting room beside his parents, dressed as if for church, surrounded by candidates in suits. The acceptance call came while he was treating them to dinner at his favorite Chinese restaurant, and he cried at the table. Grad school required him to attend therapy for the first time, and that experience began loosening beliefs he had carried for years.
Host Jessica Hurwitz and Luis spend much of the conversation on burnout, and on a distinction he draws carefully: the problem was never the work, and never the clients. It was the environment. At his lowest point he was earning six figures, had his own office, and held what many would call a gold standard role, yet he cried before and after every shift and struggled with his health. When his mother was hospitalized with COVID and on a breathing machine, his manager warned that leaving to be with her, even while the team was fully remote, would count as client abandonment. HR approved his family leave, but the months away gave him space to see how much the job had cost him. A friend who runs Latinx Therapy invited him to sit in on a course about starting a practice, and what he had built up in his mind as impossible turned out to be a clear set of steps.
The unicorn in the episode title is his own word. Queer and BIPOC therapists are so scarce that people contact him from states where he cannot legally practice, and even with telehealth he often struggles to find anyone to refer them to. He talks openly about how the field skews heavily toward cisgender women, with far fewer men, queer providers, or clinicians of color, and he credits community networks with helping close that gap. He also urges newer clinicians to build friendships with other therapists, because few people understand the energy this work demands.
Asked what he would tell his younger self, Luis hesitates to change anything, since every detour brought him here. What he offers instead is permission: it is okay to bring who you are into this field. For years he wore his father's church ties and tried to fit a clinical mold that never fit. Only when he opened his own practice did he accept himself fully, and his career grew along with him rather than apart from him. For therapists weighing whether to leave a role that is draining them, and for anyone who has confused a toxic workplace with a wrong calling, his story makes a strong case that the work itself may be worth keeping. His advice fits in three words: trust yourself.
In this episode, you will learn:
- How to tell the difference between burnout caused by the work itself and burnout caused by the environment you work in.
- Why a six figure salary and a private office did not protect Luis from depression and exhaustion in a hospital role.
- What first generation students can learn from Luis's shift from premed to child development after three years of biology.
- How attending therapy during grad school changed the way Luis understood his own internalized beliefs.
- Practical ways newer therapists can build a support network of peers who understand the demands of clinical work.
- Why queer and BIPOC therapists remain scarce even with telehealth, and how referral networks like Latinx Therapy help clients find care.
- How breaking the process of starting a private practice into clear steps made going solo feel doable.
- What it looks like to bring your full identity into your clinical work instead of fitting a rigid professional mold.
Host
Welcome back to Therapist Voices at ReachLink. I'm Jessica Hurwitz. I'm your host. Today, I'm so excited to welcome Luis Cornejo. He is a licensed marriage and family therapist. Um, today we're going to talk a little bit about Luis's background, really the journey that Luis experienced becoming a therapist, you know, pivots that, that came up. I want to quote you, if I may, before I, before I leave it to you, for something that I loved that you put in your information for the episode here. You had shared that you often felt like a unicorn in the field, and you'd love to share your story on how that's a superpower for all of us. I loved that so much, and in your honor, I brought you my daughter's favorite unicorn. I believe her name to be Sparkle Rosalina Beauty, but that changes by the day. So this is— This is in your honor as our— I had many to choose from as our unicorn. So—
Guest
I love it. Great name, by the way. Great name.
Host
Everything is named that, by the way, all the unicorns. Thank you so much for being here. Let's just get into it. Tell us about you and tell us about what you've gone through.
Guest
Yeah, well, thank you first of all so much for quoting me. I don't think anyone's ever quoted me directly in front of me, but I love it. And thank you for bringing in the props. I always appreciate that.
Host
those.
Guest
Yeah. So my name is Luis Cornejo. My pronouns are he/they, and I am a licensed marriage and family therapist and an AASECT-certified sex therapist. I have a private practice and I've been in private practice now for 5 years, I think. Ooh, like I keep forgetting, but it's an anniversary this year for sure. And I specialize in working with queer and BIPOC folks, individuals and couples. So I do specialize in supporting folks who are in any range of the LGBTQIA community, but also folks of color. And so that's what I've specialized my practice in. And I'm also creative, so I do a lot of content. I work in fashion, do a lot of work around that. And let me see, I'm licensed in California and I also practice in Florida, but I am based in Mexico City. So a little bit of a triangle.
Host
Oh, I love that. The virtual world. It's the bonus.
Guest
Oh my gosh, it shifted so much for sure. And that's kind of when I went into private practice, I think. So everything had become virtual by then. So I've been a virtual therapist, like a private practice virtual therapist now for, yeah, those last 5 years. So it definitely has shifted around so much.
Host
Some of the guests that I've had on, there's been a similarity for a lot of people where they started their education career in the counseling field. They saw it going a certain way. It didn't necessarily end up that way, often for the better. What was your experience like getting your education in the field? And I want to know more about the unicorn-ness.
Guest
Yeah, of course. You know, it's funny because it wasn't actually planned. I never thought, oh my gosh, I want to be a therapist. You know, that wasn't like a childhood thing. I think for me, funny enough though, it was, I want to be a doctor. And it was primarily because my parents, you know, they were immigrants to the US. that they had big dreams and they were always telling us, you know, you could be anything you want. You could be a doctor, a lawyer. So, you know, me being so young and impressionable and someone that was always very keen on reading and learning, I remember when they asked me, I think it was like my 8th birthday, they had asked me what I wanted for my birthday. And here I was like 8 years old, right? Like just illusioned with this idea that I was going to be a doctor. In my head, I was going to go to UCLA. And the only reason UCLA is in there and I'm mentioning it by name is because they used to take me on box on the campus. And I was so enamored with the campus that I would say, I'm going to be a doctor and I'm going to go to UCLA. And for that birthday, I remember looking at my dad and saying, I want this book. And it was a medical encyclopedia. And he goes—
Host
Sorry.
Guest
He's like, are you serious? He's like, you don't want a Power Ranger or do you want something else? And I was like, no, I want this book. And he looks at me and he goes, okay. And he bought me this huge, like I'm talking like thick, hardcover. It was like a big brown, like not even cute in any way encyclopedia with images of the human body, of like the muscles, of the, you know, the bones, everything. And I remember I couldn't even read it to that extent because it was totally out of my reading range. But I used to love looking at the pictures and telling him, did you know that this or that? And like fun facts. And he thought it was the funniest thing. And so for a long time, you know, going into middle school, going into high school, that was the plan. And I was the first in my family, and I'm not just saying immediate family, like cousins, uncles, all of them in the US to actually get an education. So when I started filling out college applications, I didn't really know what I was doing. I didn't really have their support because they didn't understand a lot of that process. And fortunately though, I did go to a school where a lot of folks, it was the norm to go to college, right? They were legacy families and people who had gone to big schools like Harvard, Stanford, things like that. And here I was, first generation, trying to figure out, oh my gosh, how do I fill out this application? Where am I going to go to school? Like, do people really leave home and go far away? You know, just having all of these thoughts. And I applied to a few schools, a few that were local, close to home, and then a couple that were in the Bay Area. And I thought, okay, you know what, like, let me see what happens and then I'll make a decision. And I received a few acceptances back, and one of them was at a state school up north called Cal State East Bay, but it was called Cal State Hayward before, so they changed the name, and it was part of the Cal State system in California. So I was so excited because I remember thinking, oh my gosh, like, I'm the first one to go to college. It's a little bit far off, but I will make it work. And I got there, and I remember declaring my major, like, so excited, like, biology, like, I'm going to be a doctor.
Host
I hate it. Did you bring your encyclopedia?
Guest
No. You know, it's so funny. I'm pretty sure my parents still have it somewhere because they keep everything.
Host
They totally have it.
Guest
They probably have it somewhere, somewhere stored. But I remember going up there and that was the plan. Like, I had been just so set on it and I got there and I started taking the courses and I just did not love it. I remember sitting there thinking, you know, the whole reason why I wanted to be a doctor was because I wanted to help people. And I thought being a doctor would be the best way for me to do that. And so, I did go through about 3 years of it before I was like, I think very painfully accepting the idea that I was not going to like go on. Like, I just felt like, you know, I could definitely put my energy and do it, but I'm not loving it. It's not making me happy and settled.
Host
3 years. I didn't expect you to say that. Wow.
Guest
I was that committed. I was so committed, you know, and I think that's just part of my personality as someone that you know, really does believe in not just education, but also very passionate about wanting to help people. And so I remember sitting there and, you know, feeling a bit like a failure, right? And kind of sitting like, well, what do I do now? I think at this point I had already transferred to San Francisco State University because I wanted to be in San Francisco. And I remember sitting there and like there was a phone call with my mom where I was like, Mom, I don't know what to to do. Like, I'm definitely not going to do biology. It's not for me. It feels so detached. It feels so cold. I don't enjoy it. And, you know, she was mentioning all of these kinds of like careers. She's like, well, you could be a lawyer or you could be an architect or you could be blah, blah, blah, a teacher. You know, she was just going on. And I remember telling her like, you know what? I don't know, but I have a close friend who was also doing biology and she just told me she's done too. She can't, she doesn't like it. And so she's checking out this other major and, you know, I'm going to go with her. Lo and behold to me, like when we ended up meeting up, I had asked her, because I hadn't actually asked her like, what major are you looking at? She just said like, I'm going to go look for this, explore like what opportunities there are. And so this Department of Education is having some, you know, open house. And I was like, okay, let's go. So we went and it was for child and adolescent development. And I remember sitting in there and just loving everything I was hearing, like the psychology, the development between like early childhood to like adulthood. And my brain was just like, oh my gosh, like I love all of this. Like it made so much sense to me. That same day I went into the department and I changed my major from biology to child and adolescent development. And I flourished. I mean, as soon as I shifted to that major, I realized how passionate I was about education, about policies, about parents and understanding more social justice lens And I got so passionate about it. And it was really evident because my grades went straight up. I was writing 10-page papers. And I've always been a great writer. I love writing. And in biology, you don't really use writing. It's like—
Host
And even if you did, though, it probably wouldn't have been— it wouldn't have elicited that from you, that passion.
Guest
Yeah, very, very dry, very clinical, medical, not very fun, right? Not very creative in that sense. And so when I did get into the other major, into child development, I was writing papers, I was getting, you know, straight A's, a lot of great feedback. So I knew I was on the right path and I loved it. And right after that, when I graduated, I went straight into education. So I was doing an internship at a school where I was supporting the principal and basically helping them with their day-to-day and going into the meetings and going to see students, all of that stuff. And, you know, I really liked it. I enjoyed it a lot. And that was kind of my first introduction. So after I graduated, finished my internship, I went straight into a child development center where I spent about close to 5 years doing a lot of observations on children, 0 to 8 years old, supporting parents, running workshops, doing a lot of one-on-one meetings with parents and just talking to them about any concerns they had. And, you know, here I was, this young person with no kids, but I just had such a passion. for it that I was like, you know, this is what development tells us. No, that's totally normal. You know, like, and it was great. I loved it. I remember sitting there thinking like, wow, I really love the one-on-one work with parents because a lot of them just would come in really scared or anxious and having a conversation with me. I remember they would even ask me like, do you have kids? And I'd be like, no, I don't actually. I'm 20, like 20-something. And they're like, oh my gosh, like you're so good. Like you really know what you're talking about. And they're like, I can tell you're really passionate about this work. And I think that started kind of pushing me a little bit into like, huh, I wonder if like I want to be a teacher or if I want to work as an educator or researcher. And at that point, therapy, mental health, like I talked about mental health, but never from therapy perspective or more kind of in that area because I wasn't really familiar with it. I didn't grow up with folks that went to therapy. You know, it was a taboo in my community and with my family a lot of times because it was talking to strangers, right? Sharing things that were personal. While I was working there, I think it was almost towards my last year in education, I met someone who's still my best friend to this day. We've been best friends for almost, oh my gosh, I want to say like 15 years now.
Host
Wow.
Guest
And she was in grad school going for her social work, master's in social work. And she sat next to me one day and she's like, you know, you would be a really great therapist. And I'm like, oh, I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, you're just so easy to talk to. I see how the parents love talking to you. You love what you do. And, you know, I'm in school for social work. Like, you should check it out. First time anyone mentioned it to me, I didn't even know what the different degrees were. I didn't even know what, you know, I could actually have a path in it. Like, what do I need to get there? But I remember it stuck with me and I thought, you know what, maybe this is the next step for me. And I went home and like I said, I'm someone that's very much about learning. So I'm on my computer. I don't remember if the internet was still a little bit dial up. No, no, it wasn't dial up. It was too fast at that point. But yeah, I remember still being in there researching, like, oh my gosh, what is a therapist? And then seeing like MSW, LMFT, PsyD. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I felt so overwhelmed because I was kind of like, now I know this is something that's interesting to me. What route would I even take? What steps would I take? And luckily I had her, so she was super helpful. She tried to explain it to me in a nutshell, like, this is a social work degree and this is an a T degree or clinical psych. And I'd be like, okay, that sounds great. Like, how do I get to just, you know, support and work with folks? And after doing my research and kind of looking into schools, I found my school, which was Cal State Long Beach. It was between that and USC in LA, and both programs were incredible. They were amazing. USC was extremely expensive. So I remember thinking like, you know what, like, I need to find something that I can actually make work because I'm leaving my job to go back to school and like try to figure this out. So I told myself, I'm gonna apply to Cal State Long Beach only. If I get in, I'm going, and if I don't, I will keep doing my job and then I'll look back at it. So I applied and, you know, they reached out to me and said through email, like, you know, we've received like 500 applications, we only have 25 spots, we'll let you know if you're invited to an interview. me being the first person in my family to go even higher and go into a master's degree, it was like, oh my gosh, like, you know, this, it was so exciting when I got the, we wanna invite you to an interview. I was still in San Francisco working, so I remember flying down and my parents actually went with me. And I tell this story a lot because people, they'll giggle a little bit when I tell them, like, I was sitting in that waiting room with my parents both next to me dressed up like they were going to church because they were so excited about the fact that I was going into an interview for a master's program.
Host
Wow.
Guest
And just so happy that, oh my gosh, you know, our kid is like, actually, they're going to be a therapist. And they didn't really understand it. I think at that point, they just thought it was like, you're going to help people. You know, that was the biggest thing. That was a big value in my house, by the way. I was raised in a very religious home. And so we were always taught to help others, to support others. And so my parents were always helping people in the neighborhood, helping people at church. And so it was a big value that we held. And so they were just so excited. They're like, you're going to help people. You're going to make a difference. So they were sitting there in the waiting room with me, and there's all these other candidates in their suits with their little suitcases or their little bags.
Host
Without their parents.
Guest
Without their parents. And there I am with my two little, you know, Latino parents just sitting there, and they're like dressed up and like all— my mom's all perfumed. And, you know, it felt really nice. Now when I look back, I think at first I was a little embarrassed because I— not now.
Host
It's like now at least it's awesome. Like now, I'm sure maybe then it was probably like, oh, whoopsie daisy. But They, those people were probably thinking, oh my God, that's, that's so cool. And like, own that. That's, that's awesome.
Guest
Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, I definitely think at first it was like, oh yeah, you know, let's go together. And then getting there, it was like, oh my gosh, nobody brought their parents. And then now I look back and I'm like, you know what?
Host
I brought my parents. Yeah.
Guest
Yeah. No, they were, they were my biggest fans and they still are. And I'm, you know, I'm close to them. I often share even on my platforms our relationship, you know, So it's been complicated, but also grown.
Host
Can we do a quick shout out to both of them as well as your best friend who got you into the field?
Guest
Of course. Yeah. Yeah. No, I would love that. I want to just say thank you to, well, my best friend, Catherine. She's a social worker up in San Francisco. Oh my God. I'm going to get emotional because she's been in my life for so long and she's honestly been the biggest inspiration. So I just want to say thank you to her for always believing in me, for Checking in for just showing the love that she has for me, and you know it's mutual. And so yeah, just to to her a lot of love and a lot of appreciation. She's family at this point. She's not even I don't even like saying best friend because she's family. She knows my parents. She hangs out with like she knows us.
Host
She's family.
Guest
Yeah, she's family. Yeah, yeah. And to my you know my lovely parents, los quiero mucho porque siempre me han apoyado y siempre me han Me han dado todo, aunque no tengan todo, pero me lo han dado lo que pueden. So just saying, you know, thank you to them for everything they've given me, even when they didn't have a lot, but they still gave and they still do. So gracias to them. Yeah, so, you know, that's kind of been my story. I went with them to the interview, thought I was totally awful and left. And I remember getting back home and crying and telling my partner, who I'm still with today, we've been together for 17 years now since college. Oh my God. Yeah, another big supporter, you know, but he's here, so he's hearing me, so he knows how much I appreciate him.
Host
He needs a shout out too then, obviously.
Guest
Yeah, he does.
Host
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Guest
Yes. No, he has been my biggest supporter. He's the one that was like, you go for it, you can do it. Like, we'll figure it out. And so, you know, I came back and I remember crying and telling him, oh my gosh, babe, like, it was awful. I don't think I got it. And I think like a week went by. My parents had actually come back up with me because after that interview, they're like, you know, we're going to go visit and just stay with you for a little bit. And I had taken them out to my favorite Chinese restaurant in San Francisco when I get a call from an unknown number. And I go, oh, oh, someone's calling me. And it was like I hadn't answered because I was with them, but then they called again. So I was like, okay, clearly it's someone important. And back then you didn't get a lot of marketing calls.
Host
Right, right.
Guest
So it was kind of like someone was actually calling you. So I was like, okay, let me take this call. I step outside and I answer, and it the director of the program. And she goes, hi, is this Luis? And I go, yes, this is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, from Cal State Long Beach. I just want to say congratulations. We had over 500 applications. You know, we had a lot of folks, like with the interviews, it was about 200, and we could only pick about 25 folks, and you're one of them. So welcome. And I started crying. I remember crying in the restaurant, and my mom thought there was something wrong. She's like, oh my gosh, what's wrong? What's wrong? And I'm like, oh, thank you. She's like, are you okay? I'm like, yeah, I'm okay. Thank you so much. Like, yes, I'll be attending. And I like hung up. My mom was like, what happened? And I shared with them and they were so excited and my partner was super happy. And, you know, we're in the restaurant, so people were kind of looking and I was just like sitting there like I couldn't even eat anymore from the excitement. You know, it's such a big deal for us, I think, because my parents had these big dreams for me and my siblings and then also just kind of seeing me come in as more of a leader in the family in that way. It was so important to them. So, you know, I remember getting all my stuff ready, packed my bags. My partner was like, let's go, we're moving to LA. And we got there and I started grad school and it was quite a journey. Honestly, it was more challenging than I expected. I think kind of coming off of like being such a great student and just knowing and always being that person that was just organized and always structured and could just do well in education. It was a different Different game, right? Because a lot of it was not just learning things, but also very vulnerable, very vulnerable questions, very vulnerable moments. We were required to go to therapy, and that was the first time I ever went to therapy in my life. And I remember thinking, oh my gosh, here I was thinking I was going to go and become a therapist without actually going to therapy myself or even knowing what the process is like. So that was probably one of the highlights of going into this pro— the program that I went into was finally going to therapy, realizing so much. And I think that's where a lot shifted for me. And, you know, I've been in therapy now on and off since grad school because it's helped me so much and it's been for different eras of my life. So I'm a firm believer in the work I do and I love it. And I think that excites me because I know how powerful it is and how it shifted a lot of the things that I once held, especially a lot of internalized beliefs. That's gotten me where I am right now, right? As a private practice owner, as someone that is openly queer, someone that is very much about people feeling liberated and able to express themselves and finding their own path.
Host
The word liberated is so, you know, I don't know you that well, obviously now, but I feel like I do. And that's such a good word for what you exude. That's truly, and I'm sure that you You really put that out there with your loved ones and your clients, I imagine.
Guest
It's important to me. You know, I think I spent most of my life, at least in my teens, 20s, and 30s, trying to be someone that everybody else wanted me to be. I remember coming out—
Host
A doctor.
Guest
Yeah, yeah. You know, and coming out of my program, my master's program, and going into the field and buying all of these ties and feeling very restricted and hearing a lot of, this is how we do things, this is how things are done, and constantly pushing myself to fit into a mold. And I think it wasn't until maybe 5 years ago when I did go into private, and that was actually the main catalyst for me going into private practice, was that I got exhausted. I was burned out. I started to really dislike the field and my work and felt that I wasn't doing it in the capacity that I needed to do it and in the way that felt authentic to me. That was my— I think, yeah, that was my lowest point. I had really bad health issues. I was crying before work and after work. Like, I knew I was depressed, you know, even when I shared with my parents, because at that point I had kind of got into this place, what a lot of people considered like, you know, a successful gold standard therapist. I was making over 6 figures. I had my own office. It was a lot of resources, you know, but it wasn't what I wanted to do. It felt very constricted and also very condescending in a lot of ways to me because it would almost force me to question myself and feel like I didn't know what I was doing. And so I remember—
Host
Interesting.
Guest
Yeah, I remember my partner and I was working in a hospital at that point. So I've worked from nonprofits to education to private spaces. And I remember my partner telling me like, you know, you're not happy. Like, I can tell, like, you just, you hate it. why don't you do something else? You know, for a minute I did think about it, but then I realized how it was never the people, it was never my clients, it was never the work that I was doing. It was the spaces I was in.
Host
Mm-hmm.
Guest
And so I remember telling him like, I don't hate what I do. I love what I do. I just don't love doing it where I'm at. And, you know, I shared with my parents and I, at first they were, they doubted the idea of me leaving because they were like, oh my gosh, you work so hard. You're in space, you have a title, like, you know, you're making so much money, like, you know, are you sure you want to quit? I sat there and I was like, again, I'm trying to convince them versus convince myself. And yeah, so I ended up kind of staying a little bit longer and I, you know, I didn't want to jump into something without actually really feeling like, what am I going to do? You know, because I'm always that person. I don't just do things sporadically. I'm very like, okay, like this is the plan. And COVID happened actually. So that year that I was there, COVID happened. And we were on lockdown. It was the first time we were switched to fully remote. I actually had never had experience doing remote work or even doing just virtual work. So it was brand new to me. We got computers, they're like here. So you can imagine it was a hot mess trying to figure out the logistics of everything, right? Especially for a place where it didn't exist before. There was no virtual therapy.
Host
Right.
Guest
Yeah, it was a whole thing. And I remember during that time, my parents actually got sick. So they got COVID and they were struggling. And I remember my dad was able to recover and he was doing a lot better, but my mom had actually been hospitalized and she had been, I think, in the hospital about 2 days on a breathing machine when I went to work and I said, hey, you know what? I know we're fully virtual right now. I need to leave. I need to go to LA. And I was working in San Francisco at that point.
Host
Yeah.
Guest
I told them I have to go back and see my parents. And my manager said, no, If you leave and you don't show up during required meetings or whatever, we're going to take that as abandonment or client abandonment. And I remember looking at her and thinking like, what do you mean? Like, I'm not saying I'm not going to work. Like, I need to go be with my parents. And so—
Host
And aren't we virtual?
Guest
All of that.
Host
Doesn't that work?
Guest
Exactly. And so when they said no again, I remember going to HR and just being very casually like, hey, you know, this is happening. And of course I was emotional. You know, it was like at that point it was scary. And they were like, of course, of course you can go. Like, here are the forms, sending them, you know. And then of course I get a call from the manager, very upset about me having done that. And this was part of, you know, the reason why I think I struggled so much because it felt like I wasn't trusted, I wasn't believed, I wasn't supported. And so I had to literally fight. And so eventually I got everything settled and I was able to go back. So I left to LA, I was with my mom taking care of her. She got out the hospital. Obviously, there was a lot of scary things happening. People were dying. I mean, it was awful. And I just remember having to have jumped through so many hoops just to be there. I actually needed her doctor to sign that she was that ill for them to let me off. And so I got those— I think it was like a family leave for about 3 months. And during that time, I had a lot of reflective moments. I was like, what am I doing? struggled so much to even come here and see my family. And now I have to go back. And the dread of going back, I think that's when I realized how much it was impacting me. And my husband was— well, now husband, my partner then was right. You're not happy. And I sat there and I thought, you know what? I need to figure out what to do, what steps to take. And fortunately, I had built a really great support system of other therapists. And so I always encourage folks, especially folks coming into the field, make friends with other therapists, like find community. You know, it doesn't have to be a big organization, but find folks in private practice or whatever it is that, you know, you're doing, because it makes a huge difference. You know, not many people understand the level of work or the energy that it takes to do this work. You know, it does help to find people that you do feel connected to. And so I reached out to a close friend who actually runs Latinx Therapy, which is a network for Latino therapists specifically. It's really popular. She's built it. I mean, we met when she had initially launched it and it's huge now. It's everywhere. And a lot of people, yeah, a lot of folks go to it to find Latino therapists specifically and also speakers. And she was the one that was like, well, why don't you do private practice? And I was like, oh, I'm like, you know, I thought about it, but I think for me it was terrifying, the idea of—
Host
Totally.
Guest
Going solo, right? Like, ah, like, I'm working for this place where everything's like done for me. And then going solo as a therapist, I think felt scarier because I took my responsibilities very seriously, like client privacy, you know, all of it, right? The ethical stuff. To me, it was really important to protect clients. And so I thought, oh my gosh, if I go solo, like, that's— it's on me, you know? And I remember—
Host
Oh yeah.
Guest
It's a whole thing, right? It's a big responsibility. And so I talked to her and she was like, Luis, I've been doing this for years. You would be great at it. And she was actually teaching a course. So she would teach a course and she was like, come to my course, listen in. And if you, if you'd like it and it helps, start your private practice. So I went to the course and it was so like mind-blowing to me because I, I think I had complicated it so much in my head that as she was going through the steps, right? Like you psych yourself out. You're like—
Host
Totally.
Guest
Yep.
Host
And I can see you doing, if I may be so bold, I could see you and it, that's kind of a compliment. I, I see you doing that. And then, and then it gets to be a relief when, when you realize, wait a second.
Guest
It's doable, right? Like, wait a second, I can do this. Well, my dad actually started his business, so I learned a lot from him, but also like, I think from the younger generation being like, oh my gosh, am I going to start a business? Like, you know, this is wild. And I went to the course and everything was so— she did such a great job at just presenting it as like, this is what you do. This is what you need. These are the things to consider. This is how you do the promoting, yada, yada, and learned so much. And I remember leaving and thinking, you know what, I could actually do this. And I still wasn't convinced. And then I'm getting towards the end of my family leave and I get a call. And of course it's, you know, my manager, are you coming back or should we just not expect you back? I think it was something she said around, at this point it's plain abandonment, that I She said that like word to me.
Host
That's a really bold thing. Sorry, you said it before and I didn't say anything, but that is, that is so significant to say to someone.
Guest
It was, it was, it was, you know, it was really hurtful because like I said, for me, like I had taken my role so serious that it was never my clients that I was tired or frustrated with. It was literally the lack of support and the space that I was in. And so after I got that comment, you know, like, You're not coming back. It's been months. And like, it's just kind of— I don't know what came over me in that moment, but I said, you know what, actually, no, I'm not coming back and I'm going to send you my resignation letter and you'll get it in the email. Didn't say a word, hung up on me. And I said, okay, sent in the letter, got acknowledged. The nail in the coffin that I knew I did the right thing was afterwards, because I was terrified. I was like, oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm going to do this. I don't have a job anymore.
Host
Now I have to.
Guest
Now I have to. And, you know, I went back to just get everything settled. They gave me my date to remove stuff and they were like, you know, I'll meet you down there and then I'll walk you through. The nail in the coffin for me was I get there and there's security waiting for me and they go, oh yeah, they can't meet you, so I'm going to guide you. You have 15 minutes. As if I did something wrong, right? And they're guiding me through the hospital and there I am walking, right? And people, of course, I had made friendships, connections. I had nurses, doctors, like—
Host
And it's a hospital setting.
Guest
Hospital. So I had nurses, doctors, hey, where have you been? Oh my gosh, we haven't seen you in a while. You know me hugging people and they're like staring at security like, literally like right here next to me.
Host
Are they with you?
Guest
And they're like, what's going on? And like, what's going on? I'm like, nothing, I'm leaving. And they're like, oh, you know. And obviously that kind of almost felt like people thought, okay, well, did you do something? Did something happen? And I obviously couldn't even explain. Like, I had this literally person saying like, hey, you have to, you have to go. Movie, uh, scene of me carrying my box with like all my little stuff. Yeah, my little decorations, my little plants. I still have my little quote box of little quotes. This one says, we ought to live sacrificing and singing and dancing. Plato.
Host
Love.
Guest
Just little quotes to inspire me, right? I'm like, literally, I didn't even have that much. And I remember just carrying my little box out and feeling really ashamed thinking like, I was here for a year. I did so much. I was the only bilingual therapist. I often felt like I wasn't enough. And now I'm being escorted out. And I remember stepping out of that hospital and thinking, you know what? I did the right thing. Like, this was not the place for me. This was not the place where I was going to grow anymore. And as I walked out, I will say, and I've never shared this, I actually never stepped back into any of the hospitals from that company again in my life.
Host
Really?
Guest
Even when I had the insurance there. Yeah, I changed it because I felt in a way, it was traumatizing for me. I sat with that a while because I think before I even shared this story, I used to think like, am I dramatic? Am I exaggerating? And then I was like, no, you know what? I was traumatized. I was terrified, which is the same reason why I even promised myself that if I ever went back, I would never do it just for money or for this. It'd have to be a place where I really did feel seen.
Host
Yeah.
Guest
And it would take a lot for me. I always tell myself that it would take a lot for me to trust because it really did shatter my trust in the system, in a lot of spaces where the providers and therapists are working and they're feeling this kind of way. So now I trust my gut a lot more, and I definitely listen to myself when it comes to opportunities, when it comes to alignment with people who want to collaborate with me or work with me, and even with my clients. I'm very transparent when I'm working with someone. And that's another thing that I really love was that before I didn't get a say in it, And I think in the last 5 years, I've gotten to say, hey, this is me, this is what I do, this is what I believe in, this is my approach. And folks were like, oh my gosh, like, we love, we love the work. And I've been very fortunate, you know, since I started and launched my private practice, I've been able to shape it into what has really brought me joy, but also purpose. And that's super important to me. I don't see more than a certain amount of clients. I'm very transparent when I start working with them. working with folks. I do specialize in queer and BIPOC mental health, which is not as common, right? Because there's not a lot of providers like me, which goes back to the unicorn part, that there's amazing providers out there, but we're very scattered around. Yes, the unicorn. We're very scattered around. And so I often get folks from other states who'll reach out and say, hey, oh my God, I saw you on social media. I saw you here. I want to work with you. And unfortunately, you know, I am only licensed in California and Florida. So I'll often have to people away. And the reason I mentioned the unicorn part is because I'll often still go that extra step where I want to make sure people have access to something. So there I am looking for other providers in their area that are queer identifying or even folks of color. And there's not, it's very scarce. It's very scarce. It's shifted now with virtual therapy because there's a bit more access, but there's some states where you can count providers that identify.
Host
Wow. So I really didn't know that it was that. I appreciate you sharing that so we can even You know, be some platform to get the word out more. I didn't realize that even with virtual work, that that was still the case.
Guest
Yeah, it's a lot limited. It's more limited. I mean, we have to see the statistics, right, that the field is primarily dominated, you know, primarily by cis women. And there's, you know, also less men. There's even less queer people. And, you know, the number of folks of color is still even lower. You know, it's— they're not high. for a field that's really big, right? And we're everywhere. Like, therapists are all over the country, all over the world, right? It's becoming a lot more of an accepted norm to go to therapy, which I love and I adore. But we are starting to see now how those numbers reflect. And so I see it all the time, which is why I really appreciate folks like Adriana who created Latinx Therapy.
Host
I was going to ask what her name was. What's her name?
Guest
Yes, it's Adriana Alejandra. Yeah, Adriana Alejandra. I call her Double A because it's Adriana Alejandra. But she's amazing. And so she does that platform. And so people are able to often go there and often share with folks too when they reach out, like through any means, email, whatever, like, hey, have you checked this out? You can find someone in your area. You can check your insurance, see if they cover it. And so it makes it easier. And so I do love that part of the transition that there's a lot more awareness, there's a lot more normalization around going to therapy. Celebrities, people, I mean, everybody talks about it now, right?
Host
Right.
Guest
No, yeah, and it's a good thing.
Host
I want to, just so everyone hears this, we will definitely link her information in addition to yours, of course. I want to ask you a question, if I may. Well, I have 2 questions. One came out of the blue. I'm so curious, with all you went through with not knowing about therapy, and it was so interesting when you were describing your childhood and what you wanted to do and From what you wanted to accomplish, not what the degree was or what the program was. I was in my head thinking therapy, therapy, therapy, but you just knew you wanted to help people. So, okay, medical doctor, you know, thinking obviously he like therapist. When you mentioned that you then went to school and you, when you learned about the profession, oh my God, there are all these degrees. How did you pick Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist? How did you pick that program?
Guest
Yeah, I picked it because I love the title. First of all, I just thought, oh, marriage and family therapist, like very specific. And at that point, a lot of my experience had been working with children and families.
Host
Right. Okay. That makes sense.
Guest
So I was like, you know what, I want to go with this. And I love social work. And I did look into it a lot. And I think I loved a lot of aspects of it, but it didn't feel aligned with specifically how I wanted to show up. And, you know, I was thinking in my head already, like, how am I gonna, like, market my title, all of this? And it just felt like a fit, you know? Like, it just felt— it just feels right.
Host
And you're also incorporating so much social work into your practice now, it sounds like.
Guest
Absolutely. And so I think that's what was really wonderful about it, was that at the end of the day, my program really prepared me for one-on-one, which I I am so appreciative of because we even saw clients while we were in grad school and we were observed through the glass. We did that whole thing, which a lot of folks actually don't do anymore.
Host
Oh, really?
Guest
Yeah, we were like sitting with an actual client and being observed by our classmates and then sitting in a circle and getting feedback and getting whatever.
Host
I didn't know they didn't do that anymore. Oh, I would've loved to go to school these days that I hated that part. But it's so important. But at the time, it's awful.
Guest
Yeah, it's so important. And I think that's one thing I appreciate that it wasn't as common, but my school did it and we were required to do, I think it was 20 sessions or something. So we were spread out through semesters. Wow, that's a lot. Yeah, we rotate. I think it was maybe 10, 15. Now I want to say around, yeah, ballpark 10 to 15, not 20, 10 to 15 because we rotated. So we had, I think it was like 5 rooms and we had We had professors and students literally watching us all as we rotated with our clients. And so we were committed to these clients for that amount of sessions.
Host
I only had to do that for one session.
Guest
Yeah.
Host
I only had to be watched for one session. I can't imagine. But that said, that's my own insecurity. That's so great.
Guest
Yeah. Oh no, it's anxiety-inducing in general. I mean, the first time we were told and I actually sat in there, I was like, oh my gosh, they're watching me? What if I say the wrong thing? You know? And so, but that was the great part about it was that that was the space to do it. And I learned—
Host
Right.
Guest
So much from there, from just that clinical course. I learned so much that when I went into the field, it was wild because I remember doing my practicum and I loved the work and I graduated and actually got an award. So I won a state award because of my grades, but then also my recommendations and my test scores, all of this stuff. And I basically got awarded a stipend, a pretty, a really high stipend my first year. I was actually kind of like, oh my gosh, the most I've ever made. Like, you know, really excited about it. And it was a 1-year stipend and I worked in full-service partnership. So this was a state-sponsored program that was intensive. And so we only had about 8 clients, but all of them were very high need, high risk, and we're doing in-home visits. So that was my intro into the actual field was— that was my first job, was being a baby therapist and going out into people's homes and being like, oh my gosh, where am I? You know, like, and coming in and supporting families. So I was able to use my skills because I did do some of that when I was working as a child life specialist, but it was a whole other thing. And so, yeah, so I've gone through the hurdles of lots of different experiences. I always say I've lived different lives as a therapist because I definitely—
Host
Yeah. Yes.
Guest
Many different roles. But yeah, that was, you know, that was the title. I remember going to that program and yeah, I love it. I love saying I'm an LMFT and now I do work specifically with couples. So it's nice to like say the family and couples part fits. I don't work with families anymore. That was, you know, a lifetime ago. But I do work with individuals and couples. And when people hear that title, it makes more sense to them. Oh, you're a licensed marriage and family therapist. You know, you work with couples.
Host
The other thing I wanted to ask you, and this is what I've kind of dubbed our voice notes portion of the podcast. Let's say if you were gonna leave yourself a voice note, which I do all the time, 'cause I can't remember anything. Luis, what would you tell your younger self? And I feel like now that I know so much about what your path was, I wanna know even more. What would you tell yourself? Even at the beginning when you had your little encyclopedia, your medical encyclopedia, what would you love to tell yourself?
Guest
Oof. You know, I thank you for asking that because when I saw that question in the form when I was reaching out to you, I wrote it out and it made so much sense to me then. And then I also thought, you know what, but a big part of it was that I wouldn't be where I am if I hadn't gone through that. So I wouldn't want to tell myself something that changed that. that because it was meant for me.
Host
Ooh.
Guest
But what I will— yeah, but I think what made more sense to me to tell myself is that, you know, it's okay to bring who you are into this field, that it's okay for you to show up as human. Because I spent so much time unlearning and letting go of fear and anxiety in another space that I thought was meant for me to show up as myself. And instead, I was showing up as this clinician professional, therapist, which yes, we are. And of course, you know, I love the field. I'm a very big advocate for having accountability, all of these things. And at the same time, some of it felt almost like being caged in, right? Like you're not allowed to be a certain way, show up a certain way. And I have found in the 10 years that I'm doing this— oh my gosh, it's been 10 years of me working as a therapist, 10 plus— the point where things shifted and where this work moved from something clinical and I want to say disconnected for me was when I finally accepted who I was and my career grew along with me. It wasn't a separate thing. It wasn't like, this is my career. No. When I went into private practice, I started to become who I was as a person. I started to accept myself. It was the first time I realized that I was queer, that I didn't exist in a certain way, and I started to give myself permission be. And everything that followed from there has been a really beautiful transformation for me because it was never singular. It wasn't, I changed and, you know, it was— no, it was like everything changed along with me. The work that I do, the way that I show up, the clients I support, the opportunities I received, moments and memories I've had in the field and outside of it. And it also gave me permission to explore other sides of myself. And that's why I do creative work as well. And I know I shared at the beginning, you know, so I've worked in fashion, I do photo shoots, I do creative work because it became an extension of it. It wasn't a separate part of it. It was co and co, right? It was— they were all parts of me. So I would tell myself to not be afraid to bring that in and to allow that part to also be present and to be flexible. To be flexible. I was so rigid, I think, at one point because it was what I was taught. That everything had to be a certain way. And then I realized, you know, the human business is not like that. We're not— we're messy. We have a lot of strengths, but also a lot of faults. And I think for me, like, I just accept that, embrace it. And my commitment has always been to do the best that I can and also to be a good person. And, you know, that may not be a black and white thing of like, I'm always— because I'm not. But it's a commitment for me to strive to do that. So I would, I would say that to myself. Yeah, that it's okay. Like, you don't have to hide. I spent too much time doing that and being strangled up by ties. Now I'm strangled up by a little French bow, but at least I want to be, you know, before it was like—
Host
It's your choice.
Guest
Yeah, it's my choice. You know, not like before where I had all my church ties, what I used to call them, because they were, they were my dad's and I used to get them from like a store. But, you know, I was able to let that go and breathe. And so I think that's what I would tell myself is just trust yourself.
Host
Beautiful. I love it. Thank you so, so much, Luis. This was such a joy. I'm so lucky that this ends up often being so fun. But you, you are so engaging. You are so, so motivating and inspirational. I really just truly appreciate you sharing this. We will link all your information everywhere and the different resources that we talked about. And I will definitely be in touch to see if there's any other way we can work together because you are not someone to let go.
Guest
Thank you so much. I appreciate that.
Host
And I'll tell that to that hospital agency if I ever get in touch with them.
Guest
Thank you. Thank you so much. No, I appreciate the words. It was such a joy to be here with you. I felt, yeah, I, you know, I sometimes I know the recordings can be a little this or that, but it felt so natural and I I feel like we were just having a conversation.
Host
We're leaving all of it. I'm leaving my bloopers. We're leaving all of it because we're human.
Guest
I just leave it all in there. Here we are.
Host
Thank you so much, Luis. We'll talk very soon.
Guest
Yes.
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