Self-sabotage creates common barriers to mental well-being through fear of change, self-doubt, unworthiness beliefs, and comparison to others, but licensed clinical social workers help individuals identify and overcome these self-limiting patterns through evidence-based therapeutic interventions.
Ever feel like you're your own worst enemy when it comes to happiness? Self-sabotage is more common than you think — discover the hidden barriers you might be creating and learn practical strategies to finally get out of your own way.
Why You Might Be Blocking Your Own Path to Well-being
Although many people desire to cultivate more well-being in their lives, we sometimes place barriers of our own making in the way of our happiness. While it may seem counterintuitive, there are many reasons why we may resist cultivating positive mental health. In this post, we’ll examine some of the most common ways we can self-sabotage our own well-being and what we can do to change those habits.
Common Barriers to Cultivating Well-being
Not Knowing Where to Start
Many of us may not know what we need to do to improve our mental health, despite being convinced that there is a “right” way to make it happen. We may overload ourselves with content from self-help books, podcasts, and bloggers who claim to know the secret to finding happiness. While exploring different perspectives on well-being is not a bad thing in itself, it’s important to approach this journey with caution — you won’t likely experience improved mental health by solely relying on other people’s definitions of wellness.
Consider the possibility that the only person who truly knows what enhances your well-being is you. If you are honest with yourself about what you need, you can work with your licensed clinical social worker to devise a plan to make it reality. Remember, lasting well-being will not hinge on reaching a one-time goal, such as losing weight, meeting your soulmate, or getting a raise. Positive emotions come and go like all other emotions. We may experience well-being more frequently by cultivating a mindset of gratitude and being appreciative of the daily moments that lift our mood.
Fear of the Unknown
Some people may resist creating a healthier mental state out of the fear that doing so will require making changes to their current lives. And change is often scary. Not knowing how we or our circumstances might evolve is often deterrent enough to keep us from seeking positive changes in the first place. Even if we are unhappy with our current situation, our minds recognize this baseline as normal. You may have to embrace the uncertainty of change as a trade-off for potential greater well-being.
Self-Doubt and Hesitation
Another self-imposed barrier can arise when we tell ourselves that we lack the traits it takes to build a fulfilling life. We may engage in a cycle of negative self-talk, telling ourselves that we are not brave, smart, or strong enough to make the necessary changes in our lives. This internal dialogue can become a self-fulfilling prophecy if it prevents us from even attempting to make positive changes. At its worst, self-doubt may lead us to believe that we must accept a less-than-fulfilling quality of life rather than work to improve it.
Believing You Don’t Deserve Better
Some people hold beliefs, subconsciously or consciously, that reject the idea that they deserve well-being. These beliefs can stem from a sense of obligation to put others first, feelings of shame or guilt, or low self-worth. Enjoying mental wellness sometimes requires making yourself a priority, forgiving yourself for past events, and reminding yourself of the reasons why you are worthy of feeling happy.
Perceiving It as Overwhelming
If increasing your mental well-being requires change, it may take hard work to make those changes. It requires effort, for example, to replace negative self-talk with compassionate self-talk. It may take even more work to improve our external circumstances. Making these changes may seem so overwhelming that we may choose instead to adapt to our current circumstances, even if they are not ideal. Cultivating well-being is often a process that requires a lot of “doing,” including potentially making choices outside of your comfort zone and taking concrete steps to change habits.
Fixating on Future Achievements
The belief that well-being requires reaching an end goal is an example of a happiness trap: a limiting belief about mental wellness. Western culture tends to reinforce this limiting belief through some of its most common story narratives. A character living a ho-hum life finds happiness when they meet “the One” and fall in love. An athlete endures grueling training for years and finally celebrates a single moment of triumph in the last scene. Stories like these reinforce the mindset that associates well-being with some end goal or achievement.
How Comparing Ourselves to Others Undermines Well-being
Many of us resist cultivating mental wellness because we constantly compare ourselves to others. When we measure our happiness against someone else’s success or achievements, it becomes easy to feel inadequate or unworthy, preventing us from pursuing our path to well-being.
Working towards a goal isn’t necessarily a problem until we convince ourselves that we cannot experience well-being until we achieve it. Under this mentality, we may view ourselves as a “work in progress” who will not find true wellness until a later date. But there may be no single moment in which we transform from struggling to thriving. Well-being is a state we can choose to cultivate every day, in part by appreciating what we already have.