Healthy Ways to Cope When You Miss Someone

Missing someone can trigger complex grief responses and emotional challenges, but evidence-based coping strategies like memory collections, expressive writing, mindful presence, and professional therapy support provide effective paths to processing loss while maintaining meaningful connections.

Does your heart ache with memories of someone special? While missing someone can feel overwhelming, you're not alone in this experience – and there are healthy ways to honor your connection while moving forward. Let's explore proven strategies that can help you navigate these challenging emotions with greater peace and understanding.

How To Manage Grief When You Miss Someone

Content warning

Please be advised, the below article might mention topics related to grief and loss that could be triggering to the reader. If you or someone you love is struggling with overwhelming grief or related mental health challenges, contact SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357). Support is available 24/7.

Experiencing sadness when you miss someone can be overwhelming. You might also feel anger, disbelief, or guilt after losing a connection with someone important to you. These negative emotions associated with missing someone are completely normal, and many people struggle to move forward through these feelings.

Grief doesn’t only happen after someone passes away. It can occur with any significant loss or separation, and over time, thoughts of the person you miss can develop into more serious mental health challenges.

The good news is that there are healthy ways to cope with these feelings, and you’re not alone in this experience.

Some people worry that if they don’t constantly focus on their loss, they’ll lose their connection to the person who’s gone. Others might face invalidation from those around them who don’t understand the depth of their grief. However, trying to pretend the person never existed or suppressing your emotions can lead to both mental and physical health consequences. If you’re missing someone and seeking ways to feel better, consider the following strategies to cope in a healthy manner.

Effective coping strategies when you miss someone

Below are several approaches that can help you process your emotions, cope with missing someone in a healthy way, and begin to heal emotional wounds while honoring your connection.

Create a memory collection

One meaningful way to honor your relationship with someone you miss is by creating a collection of memories. This could be a physical scrapbook filled with photos, ticket stubs from events you attended together, or souvenirs from shared experiences. You might include sketches depicting pleasant memories or notes about special moments you shared.

After creating this collection, set boundaries around when you engage with it. Perhaps allow yourself to look at it for a specific time, such as one hour per week, then put it away and focus on the present. Remember that initially, the same things that once brought joy might cause distress as they remind you of your loved one, especially if they were activities you shared regularly with a partner or someone in a long-term relationship. Accepting their absence takes time.

If creating an elaborate memory book feels overwhelming, keeping just a few meaningful photos or keepsakes in a special place can be just as valuable. For those feeling burdened by too many mementos, consider asking a trusted friend to help you sort through items, keeping only what feels most meaningful and perhaps donating the rest to a cause that would have mattered to the person you miss.

Remember that while objects are material, memories last forever. If you prefer not to keep physical objects, writing down your favorite stories or memories can be equally meaningful. Research has found that expressive writing exercises like this can significantly improve mental health and provide emotional relief.

Write out your feelings

When missing someone, you might realize there are things you wish you had said to them. Writing a letter can help externalize painful emotions while maintaining a connection to your memories. Reading the letter aloud can be cathartic – perhaps at a gravesite if the person has passed away, or simply in a private moment of reflection.

This approach remains valuable even when the separation is potentially temporary. However, carefully consider whether sending the letter would be healthy in your situation. If you’re unsure, give yourself at least a week after writing to reflect on whether sending it still feels appropriate. Alternatively, you might choose to release the letter through a personal ceremony, such as safely burning it or burying it in a meaningful location. These physical acts can help honor your feelings and provide a sense of closure.

Connect with others through service

Reaching out to help others when you’re grieving can feel challenging, but research consistently shows that social connection offers significant mental and physical health benefits. Consider using skills you already possess to strengthen your relationships and connect with your community.

For example, if you enjoy cooking, you might prepare meals for friends going through difficult times, volunteer at a community kitchen, or bake treats for a local senior center. Seeing others benefit from your efforts can increase your sense of purpose and happiness. These activities also provide positive distraction, allowing you to focus your attention elsewhere for periods of time.

Practice mindful presence

Try to avoid behaviors that might temporarily numb your pain but cause harm in the long run. Substance use, excessive gambling, overeating, internet addiction, impulsive spending, or risky behaviors can have lasting negative consequences and ultimately worsen your mental health.

While the pain of missing someone can be difficult to navigate, focus on finding positive outlets like developing a new hobby, joining social activities, or making new connections. These healthy alternatives can help you work through sadness while building new sources of meaning and joy.

Filter advice with self-compassion

During times of grief, you’ll likely receive various forms of comfort and advice from others. Remember that even when people are well-meaning, their words might not feel relevant or supportive to your specific situation. Give yourself permission to take what’s helpful and leave the rest.

Common phrases like “time heals all wounds,” “you need to replace what you’ve lost,” or “be strong for others” might feel invalidating if they don’t resonate with your experience. Setting boundaries within your support system is appropriate if you sense others are overstepping or offering advice that doesn’t align with your needs.

Establish forward-looking goals

Setting new goals can help ground you in the present while creating hope for the future. Start with activities you already enjoy and build goals around them. For instance, if you find peace in nature walks, you might set a goal to explore all the hiking trails in your area. Research shows that spending time in natural environments reduces stress and enhances mood.

Goal-setting allows you to look forward while providing a sense of accomplishment as you make progress. These achievements, however small, can be powerful reminders of your capacity for growth even amid grief.

Seek professional guidance

Speaking with a mental health professional is a valuable way to navigate grief and can complement your broader support system. You don’t need to have a diagnosed mental illness to benefit from therapy, and there are many accessible ways to connect with professional support.

Online therapy has become an increasingly popular option due to its convenience, accessibility, and often more affordable pricing. If you face barriers to in-person support, telehealth therapy can be an effective alternative. Research has demonstrated that online cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be highly effective for addressing depression and other emotional challenges that often accompany significant loss.

At ReachLink, our licensed clinical social workers specialize in helping people navigate grief, loss, and significant life stressors and transitions through secure video sessions. Our therapists can provide personalized strategies to help you process your feelings, establish healthy coping mechanisms, and gradually move forward while honoring your important connections.

Takeaway

Missing someone you’ve lost connection with—whether through death, divorce, breakup, or other circumstances—can feel overwhelming at times. Remember that you’re not alone in these feelings. A licensed clinical social worker can provide valuable support as you navigate the complex emotions that arise when you miss someone important in your life. With appropriate guidance and healthy coping strategies, you can move toward a place of greater well-being while honoring the significance of your relationship.