Attachment Styles

Content Warning: Please note that this article mentions trauma, abuse, and other potentially triggering subjects. Read with discretion.

Attachment theory is a psychological framework that explores the way individuals form and maintain close relationships with others throughout their lives. According to this theory, the quality of the early relationships we have with our primary caregivers (usually our parents) shapes our ability to form and maintain relationships in the future.

Attachment Theory

Attachment Theory is a psychological framework that was developed by John Bowlby in the 1940s to explain how individuals form relationships. According to Bowlby's theory, emotional attachments are an evolutionary response that helps ensure the survival of the human species.

This theory proposes that the way caregivers treat children and the attachments they form in early childhood lay the foundation for how that person will relate to others throughout their life. Attachment theory is commonly associated with the attachment parenting style. Bowlby worked with psychologist Mary Salter Ainsworth to refine the theory and identify four primary attachment styles.

The four attachment styles include the following:

1. Secure Attachment Style: This is the ideal and healthy form of attachment that allows adults to form and maintain healthy relationships. Individuals with this attachment style feel comfortable setting and accepting boundaries, taking space or being close, and starting or ending a relationship when necessary.
2. Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment Style: People with this attachment style may experience fear of abandonment in adult relationships. They might seek reassurance, try to control how others act, or attempt to keep close to others.
3. Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style: Individuals with this attachment style may avoid relationships and intimacy. They may feel uncomfortable connecting with others, discussing emotions, or opening up.
4. Disorganized Attachment Style (Fearful-Avoidant): Those with this attachment style may demonstrate emotional and social insecurity. They might crave closeness and connection but become afraid and avoidant once it is achieved. This attachment style may be caused by neglect or abuse.

Individuals with a secure attachment style tend to have positive expectations about relationships, feel comfortable with intimacy, and trust their partners. They are able to express their emotions and communicate effectively in relationships.

On the other hand, individuals with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style tend to be overly concerned about their relationships and worry about their partner's availability and commitment. They may experience intense emotional highs and lows and may struggle with expressing their emotions effectively.

Individuals with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style tend to avoid close relationships and may be uncomfortable with emotional intimacy. They may dismiss the importance of close relationships and may feel self-reliant.

Finally, individuals with a fearful-avoidant attachment style may experience conflicting desires for closeness and independence. They may have had traumatic or abusive experiences in childhood that have left them feeling distrustful of others and uncertain about their own worth.

If you are experiencing or witnessing abuse of any kind, please seek support from the National Domestic Violence Hotline, available 24/7 by calling 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), texting “START” to 88788, or using the online chat.

What Is Attachment-based Therapy

Attachment-based therapy, also known as attachment therapy or attachment-based family therapy (ABFT), is a type of counseling that is based on Bowlby's attachment theory. This approach focuses on the interactions between children and their parents or guardians and is often used to treat emotional and behavioral issues in children and adolescents that stem from childhood trauma or insecure attachment styles.

Attachment-based therapy can also be helpful for adults who have experienced trauma or adverse childhood experiences that have impacted their attachment patterns. This therapy specifically targets the thoughts, feelings, communication styles, behaviors, and interpersonal exchanges that patients have developed in response to early attachment experiences.

According to Peter C. Costello, Ph.D., author of Attachment-Based Psychotherapy in Practice, attachment-based therapy is designed to help patients either suppress and avoid negative attachment patterns or amplify and overemphasize positive attachment experiences to promote healthy relationships and overall well-being.

What To Expect From Adult

Attachment-Based Therapy

Adult attachment-based therapy focuses on helping individuals overcome the effects of insecure attachments formed during childhood. In this type of therapy, you can expect to discuss your past experiences and family relationships with your therapist as you build trust and explore your emotions. The goal of therapy is to help you openly express and examine your feelings and how they relate to your behaviors, ultimately creating functional and healthy relationships.

While attachment disorders are only diagnosable in children, adults can experience insecure attachment styles, trauma, post-traumatic stress disorder, and relationship difficulties as a result of their early attachment experiences. Insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or anxious-avoidant attachment, can make it challenging to maintain healthy adult relationships. Working with a therapist can help you develop communication skills to form meaningful connections with others and maintain them over time. If you find it difficult to make yourself emotionally vulnerable or trust others, attachment-based counseling may be a beneficial treatment option for you.

How Attachment Therapy Works

Attachment therapy encompasses various techniques that can be tailored to an individual's unique situation. Your therapist will assess your needs and determine which approach may be most effective. Some techniques used in attachment therapy include:

For Children, Teens, and Families:

Attachment therapy for children and families may involve the following:

• Roleplaying daily life or conflicts
• Learning effective communication skills
• Healing damaged relationships and repairing attachments
• Working to change expectations and family narratives

It's important to note that attachment-based family therapy should not involve harmful practices such as rebirthing therapy, forceful touch, or hypnosis to manipulate or coerce a child, teen, or adult into attachment. These practices are unethical and have been banned. If you see them occurring or are suggested a similar type of therapy, report it to your state board.

For Adults:

Adult attachment-based therapy may involve the following methods:

• Practicing self-compassion
• Developing communication and conflict-resolution skills
• Building trust with a therapist to facilitate open communication
• Participating in adult attachment interviews or taking attachment-style quizzes
• Receiving psychoeducation to learn about attachment styles
• Developing insight and resilience

Overall, attachment therapy aims to help individuals identify and address their attachment patterns, heal from past traumas, and develop more secure and healthy relationships.

Benefits Of Attachment Therapy

Attachment therapy can offer many benefits for individuals with insecure attachment styles. Working with a therapist can help you overcome subconscious issues from childhood that may be impacting your ability to build and maintain healthy relationships as an adult. Through therapy, you can gain a sense of security for yourself and those you love.

Additionally, therapy can help you understand and process past trauma, leading to increased emotional balance, self-confidence, and self-esteem. Other benefits may include improved thinking patterns, better communication and social skills, fewer conflicts, stronger family bonds, and relief from mental health symptoms. Mindfulness-based approaches may also be used to help clients let go of harmful beliefs from their childhood.

Research suggests that attachment-based therapy is an effective treatment for mental health conditions associated with depression and trauma, and it can be used in individual, family, couples, or group therapy settings. However, the effectiveness of the therapy depends on personal factors and the development of a trusting relationship with the therapist.

Attachment-based therapy may benefit individuals who have experienced trauma, neglect, or abuse from a caregiver, those living with insecure attachment styles, adoptees or individuals in foster care, children of parents living with a mental health condition, adolescents experiencing depression or suicidal thoughts, and adults with difficulty controlling or expressing emotions.

If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text 988 for support. They are available 24/7.

Is Attachment-Based Therapy Right For You?

Attachment-based therapy may not be suitable for everyone, but if you have an insecure attachment style, you may find it beneficial. Even if you didn't experience traumatic childhood experiences, attachment therapy can help you understand your current behavioral patterns and relationship goals.

If you struggle with building and maintaining healthy relationships or relating to others, speaking with a therapist can be helpful. Attachment-based therapy can help you reshape your perspective about yourself and others in relationships while building communication skills.

Online therapy platforms like ReachLink can be a convenient and cost-effective option for those facing barriers to mental healthcare. These platforms offer flexible scheduling and various session options. Research has shown that online therapy can be more effective than traditional in-person therapy, with many participants preferring the internet-based treatment methods.

Takeaway

Overall, attachment-based therapy can help adults address attachment styles, understand childhood experiences, and form healthy connections with loved ones. If you're interested in this form of treatment, consider reaching out to a therapist such as those participating on the ReachLink platform specializing in attachment theory to learn more about your options and receive compassionate guidance.